Ok well i rarely drink... like i never did till like a couple months ago and on top of that i do it rarely so it makes me a light weight! But thats like only half of this tale. I just thought I'd preface this post with aforementioned statement. So I met this cute guy online who just so happened to be gay and in the military AND at my base.. how cool is that right. I mean I make up shit like that in my head all the time. Any way so yeah he had stuff t do all week so we couldn't hang out till last night. So once we had decided on a time he came by scooped me up and we went to his place for "fun". As soon as i got in the door he jumped me.. I mean all out full on make out session. My clothes where disappearing faster than free beer at a frat party! Next thing i know hes got my leg in the ai.... ok ok that didn't really happen... So we get to his house and sit down to watch this movie called Amadeus.
Pretty soon his friends came over, 1 "str8" guy one 2 str8 girls and 2 gay guys. The reason i say str8 guy was he was the only naked one by the end of the party and he had no problem grindin on the boys. Of course they came bearing the almighty booze! Now up until this point i had been fairly quiet. Once i started drinking I became very chatty! Now as a sober person I have a very analytical mind i analyze every thing in my head (mostly bout my self or the moment) ... as a tipsy person i felt the need to voice my findings!! So i kept saying things like how i was worried i wouldn't fit in or apologizing for EVERYTHING and the guy who i met i.e the host/military guy we shall name him Jake well he ended up telling me at one point in the party that i play the sad puppy card and it doesn't work for me also that he didn't see us working out sexually cause i seem to young even though hes only like 2 yrs older than me. Sadly i know it was because of the booze that i had started acting that way but at the same time it would have taken me longer to be as friendly to every one without it.. I was slightly devastated seeing as how i was kinda feelin him but i got over it quick! my only problem is i dont want him to think of that me as the normal me (which i think he does) The other gay at the party lets name him Danny he was a friend of jake and Danny was kinda cute so i danced with him a bit and talked to him to he was nice as well.. now the second gay guy we shall name him Gus he kinda ignored me for most of the party i tried to dance with him once but he brushed me off though he danced with the other 2... I can respect that so that didn't bother me though at the end of the party he did kiss my cheek and say goodbye granted i was conked out on the couch so he went out of his way to be nice he also said he liked my hair.... At any rate i had a good time at the party and when Jake drove me home this morning i kinda got the feeling he wouldn't be inviting me out again any time soon. I really felt like he didn't like me at all. Maybe he really is just quiet in the morning but i felt like more of a bother!
When ever i hang out with people it seems like they all have this thing that just makes them fit in and i am always lacking it. Now don't get me wrong i have friends and when we get together we cut up but as i get older (and I'm not even that old) Seems like its becoming harder for me to find friends that like me as much. I mean im use to people who think what i think is funny who find my antics entertaining ect. I mean at the party at least in my opinion I think i got along fine with everyone we played chandelier which is a variation on quarters every one was amused by how easily i became drunk lol. The reason I said i fail at being gay is it feels like when ever i meet a guy i like, i fuck it up in some regard or another or the only wanna have sex I dunno whats wrong with me.. Any Advice?
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